i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Randomize
