the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
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