You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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