i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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