I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
