did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
