nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
