Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
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