i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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