Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
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