I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
