this beer tastes like vomit already
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
