sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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