no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
