my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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