Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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