apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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