And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
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