That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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