im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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