I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Jerry, you need to find god
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
