bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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