A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
