i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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