Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
