Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
