he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
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