Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
