your parents love me but you hate me
sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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