Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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