I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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