Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
