White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
