sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
