I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Randomize
