Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
