I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
