doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Randomize
