1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Randomize
