Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Randomize
