just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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