Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
