I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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