ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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