Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
