What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
