if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
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I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I need moral support for this bender
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
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Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
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