I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
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