I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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