its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
