At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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