So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
So apparently I’m into choking now
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
