he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
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