Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
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