Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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