All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
