Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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