we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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