no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
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