just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
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