You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
