yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
There's even glitter on my cock...
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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