Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Also, beer. Big fan.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
