Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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