If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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