i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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