Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
What changed your mind?
Being sober
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
