He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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