i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
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