I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
