Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
