I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
My dick has a subreddit
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
