grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
