every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
