You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
