we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
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we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
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just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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