If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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